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Give Me Some Space And Hear Me Scream!

April 27, 2019 No Comments

I know this heading is not what most advisors face on a regular basis.  Is it really the best advice to give someone?  If your kids (at any age) conveyed this message to you what would you do? 

As a parent myself, I know I would choose to listen.  I would give them space and let them know I am available to discuss whatever it is that is making them want to scream (or if they are actually screaming).  As a Family Business parent and assuming this “child” is an adult currently employed by your company, what changes?

Firstly, the workplace is not a place for screaming and yelling, or at least it shouldn’t be.  Let’s assume that the headline is a metaphor and no one is actually having a full-blown temper tantrum.

Now what would you as the parent and boss actually do?  I want to share with you one of the best answers I have come across so hear the answer while you are imagining this scenario.

Just give them space!! 

Acknowledge that there is something truly bothering them and give them space.  I have seen family business Moms and Dads get rather aggressive during times like these. They have to assert themselves as the “boss”, they need to “win” the challenge in front of them. 

Give them the space they are asking for. Let them know very clearly you would like to listen to their concerns when they are ready to talk about it.  Should they come to you looking to talk, do your very best to listen without judgment. Sounds easy but for many, it is not so.

Now it has been days since the “blow up” and they have not come to talk about things and the tension is getting thicker.  What do you do?

It isn’t going to go away or fix itself.  Call in an expert.  

Let me help you bridge this communication breakdown and dig deep to find out the root cause and how we ended up in this situation. 

Let’s work together on finding the best practices around communication in your Family Business. 

As a Family Business Expert AND Mediator, I can help resolve, manage and prevent future conflict to help your family business soar to new heights. 

Let’s have a complimentary call to see how we can remove the screaming forever!

I may just be the secret weapon your Family Business needs to climb to the next level of success!

Family Business Conflict

March 21, 2019 No Comments
Husband and wife fighting over money

As I began to write this article I was trying to think of a clever or “cute” way to refer to the tension and conflict within a family business or partnership. 

As you can tell, I wasn’t very successful so I decided to call it what it is.  This tension and conflict is the stuff that keeps family members awake at night, creates tremendous strain within immediate family members as well as with the in-laws.

My research has often shown that most families (in business) choose to ignore these issues hoping they will be forgotten or self resolve or just plain GO AWAY!!  They might go away today but will most likely resurface with greater intensity and usually with more severe impact resulting in a deeper fracture in the family relations.

How do we avoid future implosion?  Let me help you flush out the issues, confront the concerns and facilitate quality dialogue so that everyone involved can learn, understand and prepare for future conflict.  If it sounds too easy to be possible, then you are correct.  It is challenging on all fronts.  It is challenging to have in-depth highly trusted conversations with each other. 

As a Mediator and a Family Enterprise Advisor (FEA) I fully understand the family business dynamics necessary to have a happy and harmonious relationship.  As a Mediator, I bring the techniques and empathy to manage and prevent the conflict that is keeping the family awake at night.

Conflict stinks and it consumes way too much energy.  It rarely gets resolved without some external assistance. 

Reach out and let’s talk about what’s keeping you up a night.  Your family is too important to hope their issues go away.  It rarely works!  

My techniques do! Let’s have a conversation!

Why?!

February 14, 2019 No Comments

People always ask me “What is my why??”
Why do I do the work that I do with Family Businesses?

I won’t fully answer that question now or this article would be way too long. 

My usual response is to ask those who are part of a Family Business why they do what they do. Their answers vary widely. Most say they love it (then quickly change the subject), others say, “It pays the bills”, and in Family Businesses especially, I often get a special answer:

“I didn’t have much of a choice, it was kind of expected that I do this.”

That might seem like a shocker to some and pretty accurate to others.  I can imagine a bunch of heads nodding up and down right now saying, “Yup that was me!”

At that time, you didn’t feel like you had much of a choice but felt you were making a positive impact. Your first instinct may be to do nothing different than what you have been doing, but is that your only option? 

Perhaps one option is to “run away and join the circus”, meaning having a career that speaks to your passions, your drives, and that might be your calling. 

BUT WAIT! there is another option!

This is my personal favorite:

Take what you are GOOD at within your Family Business and ELEVATE yourself to a higher level of performance, leading to overall satisfaction! 

This is accomplished by exploring what your “WHY” really is. So when someone asks you what your “why” is, you have an answer. 

Wouldn’t it be great to answer that question with a strong sense of clarity and conviction?  Everyone needs to know your why, and if you or any of your family members are struggling to figure it out, I can help!

Together, we can dive deep and determine the greatest areas of your work life and how it intertwines with your personal life. 

This is so important in the world of Family Business because your work life IS intertwined with your personal life whether you want it to be or not. 

So lets have a conversation and start creating the best possible Family Business Dynamics you can have. It’s a conversation that will be all about YOU living your best Family Business life EVER! 

Have a wonderful, safe Family Day Weekend!
Phil
The “Why” Guy

Merry Christmas!

December 13, 2018 No Comments

What a great year it has been!

Working with families in business has always been satisfying but no more so than this year!  I am so lucky in that I get to work with a spectrum of families that work well together, but need a bit of help in their communication, all the way along to families who cannot even find the words to communicate and are so stressed out over it.This is the time of year to take a deep breath, put your family and their happiness at the top of your to-do list, and postpone those stressful issues you’ve had all year until January.

Give me a call or send me an email and I will help you untangle some of those stressful issues so your business will run better in 2019 and your family life will run better too.

I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, happy holidays.
Create great memories this season surrounded by your family!

To you and your family’s health, wealth & happiness,
Phil

The Fear of Letting Go

October 17, 2018 No Comments

facing your fears

 

In my many years of helping families explore transitioning their family business to the next generation, there is always an element of fear.

This fear is multi-faceted.  Fear of losing control of the company, fear of the next generation doing things differently, fear of not being needed; and a special one shared with me numerous times…a fear of being home too much! ?

How do we alleviate these fears that dominate one’s thoughts during succession discussions?

I know that what has worked best with my clients is to go “old school” and start with a list of individual concerns. This list is always interesting in that it starts with 3 to 4 items that everyone would expect and often grows to 10+ items with the concerns getting more and more specific.

The list usually starts with the critical issues such as financial, family harmony, and future success then leading to “what the hell am I going to do with myself” and “my wife/husband is going to get sick of me.”

There are so many reasons to talk about succession planning and many of them revolve around effective tax planning and estate planning.

My process is all about the soft side.  Pay as little tax as possible; do the very best estate planning you can do, but more importantly maintain the best possible family harmony throughout.  The goal is to have true harmony among all of the people affected by your planning and to be very clear on your WHY!

If these fears are stopping you from beginning these critical discussions with your family and your advisors, let’s have a chat where I will show you how facing this fear is the ultimate gift you can give to your family and the next generation.

You will realize that you had nothing to fear at all! ?

Difficult Decisions in the Family Business

August 22, 2018 No Comments

Being in business is often fraught with daily, difficult decisions.  Some of these decisions are relatively minor and others can be deemed to be major.  It is the major ones that have the most likelihood of disturbing the “norm” or what is perceived to be normal.  The challenges and results of these major decisions are something that business managers and owners have to live with constantly.  Now, let’s add a twist!!

What if those major decisions directly or indirectly affected YOUR family members who work (and those who do not work) within the organization?

What About the Children?

There is nothing normal about these types of decisions that family business owners face.  The complexity is only further enhanced because it may affect someone who they love and “would do anything for”. I am referring to decisions that may affect a child or children in the business.  We never stop being parents to our children but when does being their boss put a huge strain on that relationship?The answer is, that strain never goes away.  How does a mother or father who have literally sacrificed almost everything over the years to build that business, choose which one of their children are to be the next leader? Is it the oldest? The child who has been there the longest? Is it the youngest child or perhaps the one with the most education?  What about that terrific new son/daughter-in-law? Maybe I should sell the company so this problem just goes away?  WOW!  How can any one of these decisions not create potentially irreversible damage to the family?

The successful journey can look like…

The answers lie somewhere in the notion of laying the groundwork early.  This means making NO promises to any one individual in the family about what “guarantees” may lie ahead.

This means setting the expectations early and reminding everyone of them quite often.

This requires constant communication and feedback involving all members of the family (and their management team) as to how their performance is, where they can improve in their contribution to the company, and how they can maximize their relationship with all of the others.

The idea is that everyone should have an equal opportunity to demonstrate their passion and knowledge for the business is a good one.  But that is where the equality stops and the difficult decisions must take over.

Everyone runs at a different pace, learns in a different way and reacts to pressure in their own way.  Maybe the first difficult decision was inviting a child into the business?  What if they clearly do not belong? How can I get them on a path so THEY will be happier in life that may not involve the family business?

This is a topic worthy of a book, not just a brief article.

The key may be to just involve someone from the outside, who understands family businesses, who understands all of the complexities of good or bad decision-making and can provide you with the expert advice and guidance on how to most effectively deal with all of the business and family related issues.

Can you afford NOT to Make the Difficult Decisions?

It has been and always will be a challenge for family business owners to separate out the family from the business.  Most of the time it truly is impossible, as the identity of both is too interwoven. The difficult decisions must be made regardless of some “ripple” effect that may surely follow.

Have an expert guide you through and help you analyze the impact of the potential outcome.

It may not make the decision easier to make, but you will have the confidence that it was done after careful and thorough analysis with the right guidance.

NOT making a decision is the worst one you could make!

Do not go alone in trying to resolve family business conflict, managing your wealth transfer to the next generation, preparing your estate or executing the estate of a loved one. I offer all of the services you need to to maintain family harmony in the family business while preparing for the next generation.

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